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What are your thoughts?

 

 

You know, I'm all for being proud of who we are and self acceptance and all that great stuff.  In fact please don't misread my passage this evening.

 

Naturally, you know there's a super great big 'but' yet to be delivered.  It's true, go ahead relax and prepare for the inevitable. 

 

But...

 

There are so many folks I know who believe that there's an aspect of being trans that is trendy or just another one of those non-conformist aspects to my personality, I've got to tell you about as honestly as I can state:  There was never a minute in my life that I wanted this complication, this burden, birth defect, blessing or whatever you want to call it. 

 

I spent years in therapy trying to prove that I could not be this: there was no way that I wanted to be THIS different.  No way!

 

Now it's not a bad thing that I'm trans; But it's never been a good thing either.  I would so appreciate it if you could manage to recognize this distinction.

 

-Dana 

 

 

Hi all,

 

Dana here; does the Christmas season depress you? 

 

If it does, then you're not alone.  Many of us feel the blues this time of year and it's OK. 

 

As for me, Christmas is a season of mixed emotions.  The excitement that my daughter displays as the jolly bearded wonder's visit approaches is powerful enough to heal the deepest wounds, yet it is also a time of deep reflection for me.  I've been told time and again that I'm way too introspective.  Both personally and professionally, I really think being a transgender and all the associative years of "living in my head" is likely to blame for this. 

 

Either way, that's where I am tonight.

 

When I was younger... much younger actually, Christmas was a wondrous time for forward thinking.  I am, unfortunately, one of those folks who can pretty easily recall not only memories of days long gone but also minutest emotional details that often are much better left to disintegrate gracefully with time. 

 

During these earlier Christmas's I would silently ponder those questions that I think we all asked ourselves...

 

What will I be when I grow up? 

 

Where will my life bring me? 

 

Am I truly able to become anything I want?

 

I remember the years past where those questions where answered with such unrealistic enthusiasm.  I remember the years when the answers contained little hope for any future at all.  Somehow, I made it through all of these times.  And I'm glad I did.  I also remember the more recent times when the fears of my approaching challenge had me fast frozen.  Coming to the agreement with ourselves that we are "what we are" I feel is perhaps the most important revelations that we can have.  I know I spent years hoping that I would be able to evade those challenges...

 

Living here, on the other side of transition, I feel somewhat "aged".  And if anyone glances back up at my photo and agrees with me, well I'll get even; trust me!  Seriously, somewhere over the years and throughout transition my perspective changed.  I no longer seem to look to the future with a predictive disposition but  rather a retrospective one.  I try to make sense of it's direction and their intermediate destinations. 

 

This year, I am hopeful and perhaps with any luck this will become a persistent trend.

 

I'll ask this question of you again...  Does the Christmas season depress you? 

 

Write me if you'd like to chat, no-one should feel alone during the holidays.

 

Love always,

Dana